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[Jul. 10th, 2006|06:39 pm] |
Ugh...San Diego is looking pretty good.
I miss Shannon...alot. |
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[Jun. 23rd, 2006|12:06 pm] |
Fuck Brian Buff.
Fuck Anthony and his harmful ways lately.
Fuck boys in general.
Why cant I just meet a nice guy again.... ughh are there even any left or have I gone through them all already and turned them all into ass holes. |
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[Jun. 22nd, 2006|11:52 am] |
I am so emotional. End of story....
Anthony and I got in a huge fight at Sara Lerners and then he left for Tahoe for a week. We havnt made up, or even talked, since. I miss him alot. I miss hanging out. I miss being in love most of all. I miss feeling loved by him. He told me, the day that we graduated, that he had already fallen out of love with me, then I told him that he is just protecting himself and trying to push his feelings for me away although we both know they are still there. They may not be there anymore though. Anthony has always wanted this single life, I never did. I want a boyfriend, well not just a boyfriend, I want Ant, but I want him to treat me the way I want to be treated and he wont. I am stuck in this same issue and I have been for the past 7 months. Brian Buff and I dont talk, which I think is realy good. He has a new girlfriend and I want him to be happy. I have figured out that I dont want to marry him, although I would love to have him in my life as a friend, realistically it doesnt really work. And I graduated...thats the wierdest, I will never go back to high school, back to prom or grad night or pep rallies. I miss it already.
My heart aches so badly. I miss Ant. I really really do... |
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[Jun. 11th, 2006|03:51 pm] |
I graduate on Friday....the internal confusion going on because of that statement is ridiculous.
Things are good.
Ant and I are over and its weird. We havnt talked in days, or seen each other. I cant deal with it...its hard.
Brian Buff and I arent talking right now either,him and ant have been hanging out...sooo weird. I dont understand the male brian...at all. They are probably the most frustrating spieces ever, well those two are. ugh. |
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[May. 23rd, 2006|07:16 pm] |
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Life is ridiculous sometimes...Bri is back in my life...as friends...and I am soo happy and appreciative and thankful for that, I know it is hard and weird and probably so hard for him but it is amazing that we are friends...just amazing. I love him. he is truly a best friend to me and always will be. |
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[May. 3rd, 2006|09:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Sort of fucked up... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The silence of my tears | ] |
I havnt written in this in forever. I used to write in this when I was depressed to get out some agression. I feel a little like that now, like i need to get stuff out there. I dont know if everyone knows but I was having alot of issues with my romantic life...and months go by and I have a new boyfriend, his name is Anthony. I am so crazy about Ant, we have such an amazing bond and time together. However, Brian and I were sooo serious, we were practically engaged. I thought that once I broke things off with Brian I would be able to move on and let go of him, but that is not the case. I still feel so weird about it. I wish i didnt and I am trying not to, considering how much I turly love Ant and how Brian and I are def. not meant to be together and he seems happy, I hope he is happy. He has this new girlfriend, I saw on his myspace so I know, caz of corse he will never talk to me again, and he seems happy. He says she is amazing and the sweetest and nicest person ever, same stuff he told me, and they have only been seeing each other for like a week or two, I am soo scared that Brian is just trying to get over me and push me out and suck someone else in, I want him to be happy I dont want him to force something because he is hurt...Ant is my second love, and Brian was my first, it is weird loving and losing, or in my case loving and fucking it up, not that I fucked things up and regret it because not being with Brian made me realize that we were not perfect for each other as we thought, but it is weird letting go something that first of all lasted two years and also like brian was my life for two years, he was my best friend, I went to him for guidance and advice and he was like my mentor. I am having such a hard time not talking to him, I'll have questions bout things like working out and college and friends and I want to ask him about it, but I cant. and I cant deal with it,I cry when I think about it. I feel like I am mourning a death...and I dont do well with deaths. |
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[Feb. 28th, 2006|03:13 pm] |
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Being sick really blows, I want to work out and see my friends and go out to eat and party...ughhh i better fucking get better soon. I am starting to forget what my real voice sounds like. |
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[Feb. 23rd, 2006|07:06 pm] |
Random thoughts...I know you love them so here they are.
I miss Brian.
I am sick.
Schoolwork is such a drag.
Friendships really are bitter sweet most of the time.
I am so scared for college yet very excited.
I am so scared to graduate.
I am scared as all hell to get my letter from SDSU.
I am praying this damn cold goes away.
Vice should be amazing.
High school drama is soo lame yet entirely amusing and hilarious all at the same time, I will surely miss the majority of you when we all go our seperate ways, which is inevitable.
and sex and the city is such a beautiful show. |
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[Feb. 7th, 2006|01:55 pm] |
I was once again thinking how odd it is that I dont write in here regularly anymore. Anyways...I would love to just know where I am going to be next year, and what it will be like and who Ill be living with and what friends I will still talk to and all those questions that Im sure are lurking around in everyone's minds. This weekend was fun, different but fun. Usually, my normal Saturday or Sunday consists of me working out and getting ready to go out at night, but this weekend I did Melrose on Saturday and and Fairfax Flea Market and lunch at the Grove on Sunday. I had so much fun, I went with Shannon and Sara Lerner and it was so awesome to hang out with them! My nights were sort of lame however. But this weekdnd, although I have a lame EAP test at CSUN on Satruday morning, I will strive to achieve better weekend nights. Today I caught up on alot of stuff that Ihave been procrasitnating on, so that was good. All is well, here, how is everyone else?
Gaby- good to see you this weekend, I was glad u stopped by!
Shan-i loved loved loved seeing u saturday and saturday night!!
Sara- Fairfax in three weeks!! |
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[Jan. 29th, 2006|10:33 am] |
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I spent this weekend in Arizona, visiting ASU and U of A. I absolutely loved ASU! I can 100% imagine myself there! It was huge and pretty and all of the students were realy friendly and normal looking, thank god! And I just fell in love with it! I just finsihed my SDSU app, I left something blank on it! Opps, so in a week or so hopefully I will know if I got in there and then I will go take a tour of it! Basically I am deciding between ASU, SDSU (If I get in!!), and Sonoma. Ah! This stuff is hard becasue I want to be to soo happy with my decision so I am like beating the idea to death, whatever...once I make up my mind life will be great! |
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[Jan. 22nd, 2006|09:56 pm] |
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I havnt written in this in so long. I used to write every day. I am not as open as I used to be. I think not having a girl best friend made me this way. I dont have someone to open up to like I used to so now I dont open up to this...At dinner with Hanna we were talking about how we are getting really close and love spending time with each other and trust each other and all that good stuff, i am glad that we are close! I am in a weird place right now though...I am not incredibly happy, I am ready to graduate and start my life but I am sad to leave the security of high school behind. I am excited to meet new friends but I am scared to lose touch with mine...ughh, life.... |
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[Jan. 1st, 2006|03:53 pm] |
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Wow...I havnt written in this in months...maybe caz I have nothing to say. Life is simplistic, yet crazy at the same time. I feel so over everything yet I am totally not, ugh I have no clue, but this rain sucks. I am sort of ready to go back to school...weird. |
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[Dec. 12th, 2005|12:41 pm] |
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Life has been hard lately...yes, although I have everything (material) that I want life is still hard, ughh hard to believe isnt it?...winter break is coming...four more days of school, and also I quit my job! Never again will I get stressed out by goals and selling or who is getting paid what or who is talking trash about who or to who...I can not imagine being back there...yuck. lol. I have plans with Shan tomorrow night for sushi, I can not wait. YES... |
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[Nov. 13th, 2005|12:42 pm] |
This weeekend was alot of fun! Thursday- the last home game, Bjs then hanging out with Anthony Matt and Jake, Friday- shop, got lunch, watch the OC with gaby, then Marks house ofr OC party, then malibu yo with Zac, Lauren, Emma, and Molly, then my house for more OC, Saturday- work, hair appointment, then Allie and Gaby came over, then Marlies party, then Josh Wohls house, then kims party, then marlies party again then my house for more OC...haha fun fun weekend...
this week, english homework, math test, art homework....no work tho!!
I can not wait to see baby, 6 more days!!!!!!!!!!!
Life is good right now :) |
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[Nov. 9th, 2005|09:15 pm] |
I miss Brian
School has been boring but easier lately
I dont have a best friend anymore (except Brian)...but I guess I never really did caz anywho who should ever be considered to be the best shouldnt cause such heartache...I guess.
I miss hanging out with girls, really I do, but I am not going to kill myself over it any longer, I am trying...really hard...to just be over it...( I am hardly there however).. |
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[Nov. 3rd, 2005|11:48 am] |
Today...class for an hour, then home to relax in bed and watch old episodes of Gilmore Girls ( my guilty pleasure), soon, lunch with Ali at Marmelade, then buying new Chanel sun glasses (the gorgeous big black ones with the large Mother of Pearls C's on the sides), then the gym and then, finally, a new epiode of the OC! Tomorrow, class, gym, homecoming football game. I miss Brian.
It seeems like I am thanking someone new each week, however, Alexa, thank you for being the only person who is in the same situation as me, thank you for working out with me, thank you for putting up with my quirky behavior, and I love you munchkin.
Also Mrs. Frank is the greatest woman in education, she has not only improved my brain, but touched my heart...no joke. |
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[Oct. 31st, 2005|08:41 pm] |
It is Haloween, and I worked out for 3 hours...haha, I did not feel like partying it up with a bunch of people I dont want to hang out with, so I stayed in.
This week...
Gym, homework, work, homecoming game
Next week...
Same drill and Kim's party :)
The week after...
Baby comes home!!
I miss baby, I am so bored here. |
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[Oct. 29th, 2005|12:37 am] |
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I am constantly dissappointed. THE END. |
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[Oct. 23rd, 2005|10:39 am] |
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Work today with Allie, then the gym, then a long ass boring week...again |
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[Oct. 22nd, 2005|10:34 am] |
Last night the game was okay, we lost...then dinner at BJs with Rach and Jen was fun, then sleep. Today, homework, work, then maybe a movie, I wanna see Elizabethtown anyone want to come? Tomorrow work, and hopefully the gym, and homework...lame.
I miss Brian
I am so bored here sometimes...
I can not wait until my fucking DCE essay is done with, then I can start having fun again. |
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